The stories we tell

We are all storytellers. Most of the time we tell them to ourselves, quietly, in our own minds. Sometimes we share them. There are different stories. They may be stories about our beliefs, memories, opinions, resentments. They can be beautiful, joyful and inspiring. Or, they can be dark, anxious, frightening.

Stories

The hardest ones are those that run in the background, like invisible subtitles. They originate in our early years, when we were not yet able to make sense of the world around us in all its complexity and had no one who could help us with that. Stories such as:”

I am not good enough,
I am bad person.
There is something wrong with me.
I am incompetent.
I must do more, better, higher.
Nobody loves me.
Nobody cares.
I am not worthy of love.
I have to do everything on my own..

Sounds familiar?

In a relationship

These stories can keep repeating over and over again. They give colour to our everyday life, our relationship with ourselves, and our relationships with others. They function as a filter between us and the rest of the world, so that we interpret others’ actions and words in line with the story. And yet, as the beloved Katie Byron says: is this story really true?

The Storyteller

If there are stories, there is a storyteller. Who is this storyteller? It is us – and that is good news, because we can actually influence what we tell ourselves. It also means that there is a relationship between the storyteller and the story – so the story is not who we are, and we can observe it. When we succeed in simply observing the story without reacting to it, an interesting shift can occur – the story may even lose its grip.

How to break the vicious circle?

It is not always easy, of course. Sometimes our mind runs so many stories in such a quick succession that we are unable to keep track of them. We are drawn into the vicious circle of repeating the same story all over again. This story then causes anxiety, depressive mood, fear. It is a challenge indeed to stop this chain of stories, to become aware of one story and to ask - is it true? What is behind the story? Which part of us it addresses and how do we react to it? What would happen if we stop telling this story?

The stories we tell are often not true. If we question them we might see a different reality and then the stories might slowly let go of us.